• Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. Have two, and you'll eat twice as less.
• Best message trailer: "When I die, I want to go like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not like the passengers in his car, screaming their heads off!"

The Three Bears

Some Church Humour

Musician Humour

Proverbs

• A blind guy went to the mall and started whirling his dog around and around above his head. Then someone went up to him and asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Just having a look around."
• This is a true story. One of my math professors was talking with a particularly arrogant student. Student: "Gee, it was awful nice of the dean to recommend me for that scholarship after all the rotten things I've been saying about him all these years." Professor: "Well, it just goes to show you're a better judge of character than he is!"
• "I upset him so much by banging my stomach against his fist, I had to calm him down by repeatedly smashing my face against his knee!"